Lately, it's hard to fall asleep early. I find myself still awake in the wee hours of the morning. And just when I see light or at least dawn creeping through my window, I find it safe to sleep. I've been a night owl for too long, I'm in dire need of sleep. It's not that I'm afraid of the dark, it's the vivid dreams that keep me awake. Just one close of my eyes and suddenly I'm consumed in my own reality, my own world. They may be nightmares or pleasant dreams. I'm in no rush and I feel no worries of tomorrow, I just suddenly can't control my dreams. And unfortunately when it's a pleasant dream, I have to wake up to a harsh reality, it's like a stake to the heart that can't seem to heal anymore or something I have to re-live each day and never forget. When I dream it's like impossible meets possible as its supposed to be, right? However when a dream is as clear, as real as if you can really hold it in your hands and never let go, you can't stay asleep forever (even if you wish to). So when will I wake up to a horrible nightmare? When I'm awake physically...but not awake in my heart nor my mind. Doubtfully, I feel I don't have the strength as I thought I did. My heart can't bear it.
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