Lately, it's hard to fall asleep early. I find myself still awake in the wee hours of the morning. And just when I see light or at least dawn creeping through my window, I find it safe to sleep. I've been a night owl for too long, I'm in dire need of sleep. It's not that I'm afraid of the dark, it's the vivid dreams that keep me awake. Just one close of my eyes and suddenly I'm consumed in my own reality, my own world. They may be nightmares or pleasant dreams. I'm in no rush and I feel no worries of tomorrow, I just suddenly can't control my dreams. And unfortunately when it's a pleasant dream, I have to wake up to a harsh reality, it's like a stake to the heart that can't seem to heal anymore or something I have to re-live each day and never forget. When I dream it's like impossible meets possible as its supposed to be, right? However when a dream is as clear, as real as if you can really hold it in your hands and never let go, you can't stay asleep forever (even if you wish to). So when will I wake up to a horrible nightmare? When I'm awake physically...but not awake in my heart nor my mind. Doubtfully, I feel I don't have the strength as I thought I did. My heart can't bear it.
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You sit staring at the sky, a blank screen, a beautiful scenery, etc. Beside the fact of where you are and what you are about to do, you may find yourself suddenly thinking about other things, faraway from today's worries. You probably think what will happen from now to say five or ten years from now. If you have made the right choices, have done the right things, met the right people, or have followed the right dream or the right advice. Suddenly, I was thinking about my future, about life a couple years from now, ten years from now, it struck me because I know I would be a senior, my last and final year of teenage life. It is scary enough to know that once school is over, my life would start again, a new beginning, a new chapter to my life. And if I may be too young to think about these things, I oppose to that thought, I say it's about time. I somehow pictured next year, will hang out with my friends or will I hang out with Medicine, Anatomy, and Science in the library. Will I actually have fun this year with friends, go to dances (for once in my life and just well have fun)? Will I think about having a crush or a boyfriend (or forget it all together)? Will I over think things and be weary like I was this year? Will I become so busy I forget the important things that matter in the end? Will I become a good president for my music student body and as well representing the musical arts and then the school? Will I be ready for all this? Author's Note 1/6/2010: I didn't want to leave my family at the Philippines, I left more than a piece of me there. Memories of this makes me happy because I knew then that boy was someone I dearly love now.
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